Sitting.
And I can see her.
No one to talk to.
Not that I'm looking for a conversation, I'm always like this.
Suddenly hushing down, quietly observing the people around me..
Observing her.
I'm missing her. She's just an arms-length distance from me but somehow, missing her is enough for me.
Somehow. But I'm not content. I need something more than this one-sided affection. I'm a guy, I should make the first move.
Fuck that.
What happened a couple of years ago will happen again. I'm letting it go, I'm letting her slip away.
I think that's fine with me. If everything has it's place in this world, then..
I want that place to be in between her arms.
But this is all just talk.
I'm getting sick of it.
I'm getting tired of it.
Soon, I'm going to give up and I know it'll turn out alright.
I think. I don't know. I have no answers to these questions.
Even if I had one, I'm too afraid to do something about it.
I was happy the whole day but I had to make myself feel miserable again..
This has to end soon. The feelings, the infatuation, the need;
"I'll do it my own way like I use to."
--
But then again. I felt like she was helping me let go of her.
It's that Godly intuition again. Like a jolt of electricity ran through my brain, processed my feelings and at that moment, I let go of those feelings for a millisecond.
Like the quote; "The goodbye that my ears never heard."
Because for that little moment, I felt it. She was distant. It felt alright but I don't know if I should be happy about that. Another confusion.
