It's the "it"

Just thought of reading it again.. I'm feeling it right now..

Whoever can read this, I'll post something soon..

So for now, leave me be. It's going to be a long one..

We'll see

"Why nga pala work ka pa, diba after this semester, alis ka na? Pano work mo?"

"Oh, did I tell you about that?.. I might not.."

"Sabi mo lang sa kanila nung Saturday and parang nasabi din yata ni Jane."

"Ah. Ayun.. I might not. My mom asked me if I still wanted to pero.. Yun.. I want to take my chances here again.. Start over."

"Might not? Pero you need to go back there, right? Don't you think you're risking too much if nag-stay ka dito? What if mas okay dun?"

"I don't think I'm risking too much if nagstay ako rito.. I'm feeling na I'm risking too much if I leave. There are a lot of reasons why I want to leave and there are alot of reasons why I want to stay.. And since I'm already here, then it's better to just go with the things and the people around me. If everything doesn't work out, then maybe I'll leave."

"Siguro excited ka lang sa work mo. I don't know. Ikaw lang naman may alam sa mga reasons mo. But do you think that they're enough para magstay ka dito? If it's your family, enough reason na yun for you to stay."

"It's enough.. Family is one. I have several reasons why I want to stay here and those reasons aren't going to be topped with those hundred reasons why I want to go."

Disappointment

I can't help when sometimes, you have this thing called "a plan" with that someone you expect to be with. I get excited so easily, I think ahead of myself too much and I can't help it.

It's sad. To think that talking to someone is actually easy. I've gotten too relaxed and it's just the second time we saw each other, or hung out, or what not.
But why the hell am I checking my phone every five minutes waiting for a message?
And if ever that happens, why am I wishing that the message came from her?

Fuck. This is depressing.

The monsters that're eating me from the inside are creeping out again. I was tired but I had to talk to someone. I had to be with someone. I needed company. I was hoping it was from her, but I'm asking too much. I had my company but it wasn't enough.

Situations so hard to explain, so hard to understand, but so easily experienced.
She's a relief. She's a comfort zone. And I can't stop smiling when she's around.

Leave me be.

Cruz, Dan: "Have you ever been excited into spending some time with someone when eventually, they cancel it because of this and that but you were okay about it, being understanding and all, but at the end of the day you feel so empty?"

Buendia, Krisi: Oo naman. You like someone so much na to the point na you will just understand everything they say and think it's okay kahit na hindi naman on your part. Partly.

[insert dan emoticon here]