hey

Thinking back, on how i used to date someone, or even spend time with her. It makes me miss the feeling of being taken care of and even the feeling of taking care of someone.

And no, i'm not thinking any of my ex's.

You don't have to be in an intimate relationship for someone to take care of you or to even show affection.

Simple minded fools.

I have people who i love or to whom i feel closest with. Not just because they stayed the longest. Well.. This is what I think. It is important to me how these people know how they changed my life. Not totally.. But gave me the sense of being. On how i should act accordingly. How right i should be, how sometimes, being wrong would actually help.

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I've been in L.A. for the past 40 days or so and I keep on thinking about the people who made a difference in my life. No matter how short the time i've spent with someone or how long, what matters, in even the shortest time i have been with someone, at least i had the most fun rather than hanging out with another and spend wasted time.

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There are some who share their stories and every time, i listen and every time, i give advices. The kind that is so straight to the point, you're actually hurting someone. I tried shutting my mouth, keeping my thoughts to myself and just snickering about untill i sigh and say that "that was really stupid".

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I miss home.
I miss my friends.
I miss my cat.
I miss my family.
I miss my room.
I miss riding the jeepney knowing you'll smell bad afterwards from the pollution.
I miss riding the tricycle.
I miss my sister's dog.
I miss my brother's dogs.
I miss seeing a flood.
I miss sitting on the couch, watching the television untill i fall asleep.
I miss the walk from shell to my home.
I miss laughing away from the stupidity of my friends.
I miss going to church alone every sunday.

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Lately i've just been working out. I'm trying to slim down a notch. I went back to my old self. I need to stress myself again.
I'm currently attending kick-boxing classes every Tuesdays and Thursdays.. I do training alone every saturdays. I summarize what i've learned on the last two sessions.
Everytime i finish a session, i feel like hurting the person next to me and the person who's always next to me is the instructor so let's forget about that. He can kill me with a single kick.

So.. My body is in constant pain.
Oh yeah.. I need to fix my flexibility.

hate this

I hate being left all alone.
I usually go out at night and go on with my worry-free life.
If not, I talk to people through phone or text messaging.

The keyword here is "usually".

Now i can't even talk to people who mean so much to me.

Well.. I do, but not that much anymore.
You know when you can actually talk to them any time of the day and still miss them?

This time, it's really different. Yeah, you could talk to them, or leave them a message, but it's only up to "that" point. You can never meet them personally, spend time with or whatever.. I want to call them but it'll cost me so much and i'm trying to save money for myself and for them too..

I hate being left alone..

My brain keeps on thinking alot so fast, time keeps getting slow.